Who needs control, anyway?
by xedwardxloverx
Summary: Post-Eclipse, after Edward's offer to fulfill Bella's desires in the meadow. Edward's control is slipping away but Bella wants to wait to go all the way till the wedding. How much fun can these two have before then w/o ruining it? ExB * Lemons *


_**Disclaimer:**_ Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight. Charlaine Harris/Alan Ball/HBO own everything True Blood in this story. Though I would LOVE to see what is inside of their heads, I am just fine imagining myself with their oh so wonderful characters (i.e. Edward Cullen)....

Okay so this is a new story I'm trying out. To those who have been wondering if I dropped off the face of the earth: no, I'm still here, but it's been a verrrrrry busy year for me and I have legit had NO TIME to write. I have a few stories that I've got a few pages to, but whenever I would start to write one and get into it the bell would ring (everything I've had time to write has been during classes, yes lol) and then the next opportunity I would get to write more I would forget where I was going with it or it just didn't have the spark I felt it did when I started the story. So therefore I really haven't gotten an idea I like enough to post, until this one. I don't exactly know where this one's gonna go, but I have the time now to hammer it out into what I want it to be like. And hopefully my mood won't swing too much and affect where I want the story to go as of now haha.

The first chapter is a bit slow, it's mostly to set things up for the rest of the story. *Lemons* in later chapters, not for the faint-of-heart. Hope you enjoy it =)

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EPOV

These past three weeks have been the longest of my existence. They have also been ones of realization. For instance, I have realized just how long I can take lying next to Bella during one of her more _vivid_ dreams before my control begins to slip. I have realized how much control I must actually have to have made it to this point. I have realized how little time I have left before I won't be able to stand it any longer.

It was just three short weeks ago that I was lying with Bella in our meadow. She had just decided to give Alice free reign on the planning of our wedding, with limitations, of course. I had asked her to explain, and she was telling me how it would make Charlie, Renee, Alice...everyone happier if she did this 'the right way', as she put it. But the only person's happiness I cared about was hers.

The sacrifices that Bella was making brought me to realize that I wanted to do everything her way—to get married when she was ready, to change her when she wanted, to give Bella everything she longed for. She had always said she was ready to be changed now, that she had come to terms with it. If that is what my Bella wanted, I would give it to her. That thought also brought _other_ desires of hers to the forefront of my mind, things she made me promise we would try before the change, while she was still human.

When we first made this deal of ours, I had discussed certain things with Carlisle. He had explained that sex was an intense experience, something that truly stands alone from any other feeling in the world. However, he had said that I showed more control than most vampires he had met, and that I had partaken of Bella's blood before and had the power to stop. That led Carlisle to believe that I could indeed fulfill the promise I made to Bella without killing her, but I had to be careful. I was always careful around Bella, and talking to Carlisle about it gave me a world of confidence that I could give her what she wanted. What I wanted, too. Oh, believe me, I want it. I don't think I could count just how many times I have imagined Bella and me, bare and clinging to each other, rolling with one another as one united being….Which brings me to my dilemma.

That night, I had proposed to Bella doing things her way, _everything_ her way, that night. I let my control slip, threw my resolve for resisting her and all ideas attached to it out the window…just so that she could turn around and tell me she wanted to wait. I didn't think at the time that her determination would last very long, and told her I was ready and waiting any time she changed her mind…but she didn't. It has been three weeks since that night, and she still hasn't changed her mind. After seeing how excited Alice has gotten since she started the wedding planning, and how happy Charlie is that he gets to walk her down the aisle—granted, it took a bit of time to calm him down and get him to agree and see our side of things after we told him—I think Bella's resolve may have even strengthened. I, however, have begun losing more and more of my precious control since I let it slip that night in the meadow, three weeks ago, and there is no sign of it coming back.

It wasn't so difficult at first. Usually, when Bella began showing signs that she was having one of her more _picturesque_ dreams, I would simply move to the rocking chair across the room until her sounds, scents, and movements subsided enough for me to feel comfortable that I could remain in control. For the first few nights after that one in the meadow, I went through the same routine, and it was tolerable, as any other night. About a week afterwards, her dreams took a turn. She spoke more, and a bit louder, though not nearly enough for Charlie to hear, even if he were awake and hovering on the other side of the door. Her body began to exhibit behaviors that indicated a change as well. Her movements became more pronounced; she would occasionally break out into a light sweat, at which point I would grow closer to her in an effort to cool her temperature, though it did not help reel in my very noticeable response to her in this state one bit. Most importantly, and most unable for me to try to ignore, was that around this time, her scent grew stronger and more _concentrated_ in a certain area. I had dealt with it before, and it was the main reason I had always removed myself from her in the past, but this time, I had no idea why but this wonderful, alluring, mouth-watering aroma permeated the room like never before. It had been two weeks and a day since then and for the life of me I still could not figure out why.

If these changes had occurred separately and I could have dealt with them one at a time, I think I would have still maintained my cool. But that was not the case. Put them all together, and what have you got? A desperate Edward Cullen, that's what; desperate for an end to the time when I need my control, desperate for an end to this torture, desperate to fulfill my needs—all in all, desperate for _Bella_. She was all I would ever need, for the rest of my existence. She was all I would ever desire, in every possible way. Looking back, I don't know why I exhibited so much control around her, because if we were going to share eternity together, it wouldn't matter one bit. In fact, I can't even begin to fathom just exactly how I exhibited the control I did around her; how I had it within me to pull myself away from the one I love most in this world time and time again, even if there were risks in continuing our escapades.

As I thought of this, there was always another that popped into my mind along with it. _No more. _I was done reeling myself in. I was done stopping Bella from getting to experience what she has only in her dreams. I was done blocking both of our desires. In the past, I had always thought the most important thing I could do for Bella was to keep her safe by keeping myself in check, keeping control. _Well, screw control, who needs it, anyway?_ This was the conclusion I had come to after the longest three weeks of my existence.

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BPOV

I was glad with the choices I had made. Alice was happier than I had ever seen her before, which is a big statement, but also a true one. When Edward and I first told Charlie about our engagement that night three weeks ago, he hadn't taken it as well as I would have wanted, but ultimately much better than I had expected. It only took about an hour of convincing to get him to calm down and see my side of things—or at least the part of my side that I could tell him. And I wanted to do this the right way, to be able to give everyone the goodbye they deserve, to not be wondering about me and my well-being too much after I have to leave forever. I knew the consequences of the path I was heading down, and I had come to terms with them long ago, just as I made the choice of my future long ago. I knew what I was doing.

Still, just thinking back to the offer Edward had made me that night…it was still hard to imagine how I had resisted. But after that initial hump, my resolve grew stronger as I saw the joy I was bringing to everyone around me. Still, the first few nights afterwards I was frustrated as I dreamed of what could have happened if I hadn't stopped Edward in the meadow. It was just another one of my fantasies, one of thousands I had stock piled from my vivid dreams. When I first found out that Edward was with me while I slept, all that time ago, those dreams were part of the reason I was so nervous about what he might have heard. He had begun starring in my dreams quite early on, and in the past few months, they have been happening more frequently and have been more realistic. Over time, I've come to deal with the fact that I can't do anything about it, and so there's no use being embarrassed about them—that would just push Edward to question me about my dreams, and I really don't think discussing them with him would be such a good idea.

About a week after that night in the meadow, Edward went to hunt with Emmett and Jasper, and he was gone for a night and the following day. I couldn't sleep that night, so I went downstairs to get a drink. I noticed on my way back upstairs that Charlie had left the television on accidentally. I knew sleeping was no use anyway, so I sat down and started to flip through the channels. I stopped when one show caught my eye: _True Blood_. Earlier in the school year—it seems so long ago now—I had vaguely heard Eric talking about it. He had gone to Comic-Con that summer and, according to him, this new show was supposed to be a big hit. It was based on a popular book series about vampires, and I probably would have read it, but the conversation was in October, just a little too soon to think about vampires after…

Anyway, I had nothing better to do so I watched the episode that was on. There was a marathon going on, all twelve episodes of the first season, and I had tuned in just in time, within the first five minutes of episode one. I stayed down there watching every episode until ten o'clock the next morning, when it ended. It was a Saturday morning, and Charlie didn't have to go into work, so it was right about then that he got up and came downstairs. I went to the kitchen to cook some bacon and eggs while I let my mind wander. That show had certainly given me a lot to think about. In it, the vampires were out in the open, not hiding from people, and the world knew they were out there. They had 'come out of the coffin' as was put, because synthetic blood was developed, so they didn't need to hunt humans. They still did sometimes, but even then they didn't kill them; they could stop quite easily. They didn't sparkle like Edward does, which I noted sadly. All in all it was a more traditional way of thinking about vampires, like the burn-up-in-the-sun idea and such. There were also other mystical creatures, like werewolves, shape-shifters, maenads, fairies—the main character was a telepath, even. It got me wondering what other creatures there might be in the real world besides vampires and werewolves that Edward hasn't told me about yet.

One of the main things I noticed about it though was how much sex was in it, specifically that between vampires and humans. Also, how closely related bloodlust was to that action, and how much pleasure it brought both parties when the two desires were practiced simultaneously. Every now and then throughout the day a stray thought entered my head, but I pushed it away as fast as it had come in fear of a blush rising, and I _really_ didn't want to have to explain why to Charlie. That night, however, with Edward next to me as I drifted off to sleep, I couldn't stop those thoughts from bombarding my dreams.

I dreamed about if things were like that, and Edward could taste my blood and stop at will, not be so drawn to it that he could not stop. I dreamed what it would be like, then, not only of the two of us rolling together as one, as so many of my dreams featured, but the amount of pleasure we would both get from his bite at climax. That was when my dreams started to become more vivid, more intense, and they are still at that level now; an intensity level that, when I wake up in the morning, I can feel how wet my panties are from simply my dreams and nothing else. I think Edward has begun to notice as well, because a few times I have awoken to find his face just inches from mine, and he would kiss me before I was even awake enough to speak. Not that I mind all this, it's just that it can sometimes be a little frustrating having to keep my resolve up in front of him and do what we both truly need and want in the end, rather than just screw it all and do what my primal instincts tell me for the moment.

That's the one thing that I want to accomplish before the wedding. I want to have enough control to not attack Edward and beg and plead with him to just take me before we are married. That was one of his strictest rules when we first got engaged, and I know it is what he truly wants, and we will both regret it in the future if that's not how it happens, despite what he might have said of recent. So I can have these dreams, and it's all fine, because they give me some semblance of a release, and let me keep some sort of resolve during the day. I just need to keep control until the wedding, that's the most important thing…

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So, how'd you like it so far? Tell me. REVIEW!!!! Pretty, pretty pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?????

Thanks for reading and check in soon for the next chapter (I promise you will not be disappointed!)

_--Jen--_


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